Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon...

Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission... getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.
(Apocalypse Now)

here i am again, after a wirl wind, on the edge of anaroxia, cutting, pill abuse, and taking up smoking cigrets with a fiercness, not to mention the deep (devient)depravity lurking in some cold corner of my soul.
the last week was something, something good, enlihting, but igrance sadly is well conected with some sort of bliss.

so for now i'll just be alittle sad for people who are blind to there true overwhilming worth. morn it and stop with that.

i'm back in sigon.
the bus was of cource an experince, not out of the ordanarly but it's something to talk about insted of outher things which i shal give my mind and heart a rest from.
it's a older minni bus (aka van) with seating for about 10 people, and with 30 people in it. hot sweaty people, (no working ac of cource, thats more of a norm) vomiting people, people who keep trying to ask me to do stuff with i can not understand. the large dose on zanax i decided to talk on an empty stomic i'm sure did aid me.
thou i did finly figure out that they were ither throwing me off the bus to leave me by the side of the road, or.. oh yea, getting out the push the bus for about 15-20 min.
i kept nodding out, and of cource without head rests i was head butting people. thats nice, old folks like that i'm sure. shit come on some one's gotta like that, but it was a stardling way to reenter relity over and over and over agin, but i don't know if it was the overwhilming vomiting from one of the girls in fromt of my emo dope dance i was doing they finly let me sit in front where there was a head rest, and that really helped.
after our 1000000 stops to pick up people on the side of the road, drop off people and what semed just to yell at people, (quite a past time on the bus, screaming at motorcycles as we wize by with inches to spare..)
i'm getting hussled off the bus and atacked by motocycle taxi drivers, after quite a bit of negoation, including walking away about 3 times, have one of the drivers good heartly grab me by the sholders and yell something?? in my ear a few time (oh a a wink , a nod and a signed out message from the granny selling quail eggs that the price i was driving was fair) I got to my dorm i'm staying at over an internet caffee..
just need t share a tiny, steamy room with about 20 outhr people.. no problem.

anyways. i don't feel like typing any mo...